When Loins Attack: Need Help From Linda Howard Fans

MacKenzie's Mission by Linda Howard
Audiobook - Brilliance Audio
DNF

For the very first time I picked up a Linda Howard Audiobook to listen to. It's not only my first audio version of hers I've listened to, but also the first book of hers for me period. The problem? I'm having MAJOR issues with it. This was unexpected because she's a big name author that I assumed would have to be half-way readable to a vast majority of readers in order to have made her books so popular. I'm not seeing that in this book at all. So now I have to ask: Is is just me?

Okay, so the book is MacKenzie's Mission and it will officially be my first ever DNF book or audiobook. A few months ago I talked about not finishing an audiobook but I had managed to work my way to the end. This time, I just can't take it anymore and I turned it off and ejected it this morning on my way to work. Which is saying something because I HATE morning radio and the nimwits who hosts shows and yet that was prefereable to me over this audiobook.

So what's the issue? There are many and I talked about a few of them with some awesome readers on twitter yesterday.

The first might be that I really don't like the hero and heroine and that might be clouding my opinon. In addition, there is a male narrarator and I'm not so hot on male narrators. Why? Because they always make the female voices sound ridiculous. They make them whiney and shakey and little girl sounding instead of like an adult woman.

So those are the issues to start with.

BUT then come the things I started to get riled up over.

The hero grew up on a horse farm and so the reader is treated to EVERY SINGLE reference of the hero to the heroine is full of horse metaphors. I stopped counting how many times he spoke of mounting her, taming her, breaking her spirit, etc. Give me a break already. We get it - you don't have to beat those phrases into the ground.

The heroine is a virgin. Okay. I have no problem with that and had no issue with how it was explained that she is 28 and still hasn't been with a man. Those things were explained well. What did I have an issue with? She has sex 5 TIMES in one night on her first night. NOT ONE SINGLE time is described as gentle and yet the next morning they immediately wake up and she's all "Oh, I'm only sore a little we can get it on" and off they go for more marathon sex. THAT LASTS AN ENTIRE WEEKEND. As a virgin with a supposedly huge, rough man.

Now, maybe this would have been more believable if this was an erotic romance or erotica but this was a plain old romance with a naieve woman and I just didn't buy it.

What else was wrong with that? The entire thing is told through the hero's POV and it's all about getting his pleasure, slating his lust, etc. Not really any mention of caring more about how she feels and if she is hurting than "relieving the tighness in his loins."

Yes, loins are everywhere in this book. Yet another romance book with a built-in drinking game. I mean it's the male POV and all he can think to himself about his man junk is loins?

Then IT happened. The part of the story in which I could take no more. The heroine is accused of something and instead of going with her character's obvious personality traits, she decides to do the most insane, stupid thing ever and it completely flies in the face of everything you know about this character. WTF! STOP. EJECT. I just couldn't take it anymore.

So Dear Readers, I'm asking for any Linda Howard fans out there to help me understand. Is this a one-off bad book? Did you read this book and love it and apparently I'm just not going to like her writing but there are plenty of others who love it? If you've read this book what did you think?

Lastly, what Linda Howard book would you recommend that I read as her best work? I've heard from Twitter to try Mr. Perfect - would that be the "perfect" one to read? (Insert groan over my silliness here)

DNF's - Do You Finish Every Book, or Are Some DNF's?

I admit it; I've never read a book I didn't finish. No matter how bad, how horribly written or plotted, I've finished every single book I've ever cracked open. Whether it's the hope that it WILL eventually get better, or that I just have to know how it ends even if I hate it, I feel this intense need to see the story to the end.

Once, just once, there was a book that almost became a DNF for me. It wasn't a romance at all. It was Without Remorse by Tom Clancy. A really awesome story - bogged down in tons of technical jargon that had me going back pages to see if I could remember what weapon did what and who was on the good side. I put that book down many times over a year - but always came back to it. Again, the central plot and characters are fantastic; I just couldn't keep track of all the details. I eventually finished that book - and have kept a copy on my shelf ever since almost like a trophy of the accomplishment.

Why am I bringing this up? Because I just might have my very first DNF. Although it's an audio book and not print, I don't think I would be interested in the story anymore. It's literally the worst audio book I've ever heard. The voices are horrible imitations of Hillbilly cartoons. The Hero's voice is by far the worst and he even says Ga-Ron-Tea (guarantee) in a voice straight from Yosemite Sam at one point.

This audio book is so bad I literally cringed driving down the road when the hero speaks or a new character with some insane fake southern accent is introduced. The author is a very well know one, and I've heard people love the books - but I do not think I could read these in print without having those voices playing in my head.

I won't go into details about the book here since I might still plan on reviewing the audio book. I can't stand thinking there might be a book out there I didn't give enough of a chance. There's a part of me that would feel guilty for not reading on when an author put so much into this. Why do a feel this way, and an even better question is do you ever feel this way?

Do you finish all the books you pick up, or do you have no problem putting down a book you aren't enjoying? Has one certain book let you down, or are you a frequent DNF'er?

I want to know - am I the only one who finishes them all? Should I stick it out on this audio book so at least I can honestly say if the story was good or not?